If you read this all the way to the bottom - especially the very last line - you along with most neighbors will no longer feel clumsy or poorly informed. I have done my best to not be "invective".
1. You were probably right in your earlier email. The White neighbor more than likely was not malicious. The issue is that once you put a dollar figure of $5 on shoveling snow, then you have identified the worth of that mans work. I think that addressed that the more appropriate way was to say "thank you", I really appreciate it and either ask "what do I owe you", or say "how can I ever repay you" or "next time, I will do the shoveling". But definitely not hand a neighbor $5!! Cluelessness does not fit because he was clued in enough to know that he owed something and he was clued in enough to put a value on the work and maybe the man. We don't know if he would have offered a White man more!! Anything is possible - but for sure, he wouldn't have offered less. He might have even have reached out to that neighbor prior to the snow - and let's use Don Turner's term "flocking" when I say that these two White people would have somehow "flocked" to each other. Anyways, There should have at least been the question of "what do I owe you" and if it was too much, then the negotiation should have started - at least that is the normal logical thought processing. But, I think I shared all this already.
2. Now, we all know that most people, (White, Black and Asian) mean well. That's just how the world is made up or we would be inverse with the amount of criminals to those who are much less criminals - smile - as we all do wrong things to get over from time to time. The issue is that when we try to tell you that you are clumsy/poorly informed, you often get defensive. And before you get defensive now, please read some more.
If you look back at all the conversations, I am usually responding to an attack or trying to adjust some really insensitive language or wrong doing. However, I am called "invective" and tons of other words. Take a look and see who launches the first punch or even punches - most of the time, trying to make me feel foolish. I can't help that I can identify certain things and many others do as well but just don't show up to vote. Your husband is right - I am a nice person - too nice if you ask me and my wife will tell you the same when it comes to others and not her!!!
The problem is that once we go back and forth, people often explain themselves into a hole and get dug into positions with feelings as weapons; and I really only deal passionately with logic and language. I just happen to be well versed at understanding culture being one of the most "progressive" and "diverse" people for about 43 years living inside many cultures and I will add, my experiences and interests - and like a White man told me, "I can't help to which family I was born".
I think I will "digress" a little - At 43 and being the last child of 13 (imagine how thick skinned I am) from my mother and father - I have been part of a family that has grown to 90+ from my parents to their 30+ Great Grands, which is 98% "progressive" (married into and birthed of all Races). Along with traveling by Airplane to and from Canada since I was 1yr old throughout United States, through many places in the Caribbean and 1/3 of South America, along with the communities and schools I lived in and attended, I have experienced a lot - making me almost an Expert on "diversity". I have been amidst a lot of really rich to the almost very poorest - sometimes even having to use an outhouse even in Cascade Virginia about 34yrs ago at my in-laws. If you are wondering, I have siblings starting at 70yrs old.
Back to the "groundforce" - Anyways Tiffany, I truly want you to know that I really appreciate your part in this conversation with "Don Turner" and his housemate from Vermont. It seems like you are really being honest with your feelings which I am sure that many others also appreciate. Like I said, you and your husband seem to be really nice people we will both have to agree that we just need the "neighbors" to be a little less clumsy and a little more informed.
BTW - I tried to "inform" the community that Blacks don't really get into beer even at 20; especially "the guys from the South". 20 year old Black Men like Women, Sports, Liquor. High probability that if you "ran into "these Blacks"", they would have "Captured" some Henessey instead of Beer!! Please continue sharing (honestly) and tell "Don Turner" not to be so careful in his writing as his last email was written like a "white teenager" - (quote from Linda Sun - Brookland Listserv Moderator - "appraiser" on "What Real Art is") and with not as much if his usual passionate cynicism !! But then again, it could have been his helpful "housemate".
You can check JrTurner's history yourself and see the huge difference in the language and help him out - Too much hate resting on his frontal lobe - he is losing his touch and control!
Before "I feel a little guilty", I must share a "standard" Black thought that we should continue to "vote the same" if we want to still continue "to see Blacks running things" and maybe then we can all figure out "Our Black World View" - as a "Black Majority City"!!
Anyways, please continue as this is useful and will help us as a community. We are really enjoying their part of comedy and learning from your honest willingness to share as a neighbor.
Every Body, Let's "Flock" together sometime and sip on some of this Caribbean Community Love Portion - F.O.= E. ("FREEDOM/OPPORTUNITY=EQUALITY") that will reverse the Willie Lynch Tonic that some of us are still being affected by and may even be sipping on. Before you leave you house today, look around your home. If you find any bottles in your homes that says F.N.O. Tonic - with the fine print saying -
Ingredients Fear, Distrust and Envy. For best control, use these directions - serve with any sugary carbohydrate throughout the day and especially after every meal. Expiration date - 300+ years to infinity. No refills necessary - after one generation, it becomes genetic unless their youth by chance gets exposed to education. By the time they can read, a few of us can rule by using "progressive" tactics and "diversity" delivered on Streetcars to continue the "distrust" and "envy" since fear decapitates and laws change. For those Whites who want to help these Blacks OR their generations , you can drink some too!! - and we will sabotage your railroad!
Rob Ramson
On Wed, May 23, 2012 at 1:33 PM, Tiffany Bridge <tiffany@welovedc.com> wrote:
On Wed, May 23, 2012 at 9:49 AM, jrturner25 <jrturner25@yahoo.com> wrote:
And I think that leads to part of the answer that Tiffany and I have been groping for. There is no one thing to do. There are not even seven things to do. I guess there are lots of things to do and they vary based on the situation and the circumstance.
I'll close with one other thought that I have not fully developed. Not all racial problems are really racial problems.
Take what we have come to call demographic pressures. Other communities have dealt with the same sort of thing. (I bet all communities deal with it all of the time.) One of my housemates is from Vermont. There are no Blacks in Vermont. Okay, there are 18. Anyway, he comes from an old farm family. When he was growing up (1970s) it was when hippies and liberals and granola types (his description) started moving to the state. There was a clash between the newcomers and the established residents (richer vs. poorer; Democrats vs. Republicans; urban world view vs. country; etc.) The clash was, at times, brutal he says. The point is that it wasn't racial. Everyone is White.
We're facing a similar clash or, at least, tension. We all make it out to be racial because that is easy. Many of the newcomers are White and most of the established folks are Black. Race is the easy answer, but it might not be the accurate answer. Race might be only part of the reason. I think Tiffany said something similar: the press is lazy and looks for the easy narrative.
Lots of good, interesting stuff in your message, Jim, but this in particular jogged something for me... I'm sure a lot of us remember the letter to the editor that was published in the post a while back in which a longtime resident expressed disgust that his new neighbor had offered to pay him to shovel out his (the new neighbor's) car during a snowstorm. The longtime resident felt insulted, like he had been treated like an employee rather than a neighbor. During the discussion of this on the various neighborhood lists, someone pointed out that the new neighbor probably thought he WAS being respectful, by not assuming someone he didn't know would do some hard labor for him for free, and thus offering to compensate him.What struck me about that discussion was how quick to assume the worst the letter writer was. Yes, the new neighbor may have been clueless or tone-deaf, but he probably wasn't malicious, and would probably be horrified to realize he had made the letter writer feel that way.I think one of the many things we can do to alleviate the problems of tension surrounding demographic change (which, you are correct, is not always racial but I think it's fair to say that race can complicate our interactions with one another) is to always ask ourselves, "Could this person's behavior be explained by cluelessness more readily than by malice?" Can we assume that our individual neighbors mean well (even if they're clumsy/poorly informed about it) until they demonstrate otherwise?-Tiffany__._,_.___To Post a message, send it to: ward5@eGroups.com
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R. Ramson
3744 12th Street, N.E.,
Washington D.C., 20017
202-438-5988
"We must become the change we want to see" - Mohandas Gandhi-
(Together, for a Brighter Tomorrow)
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